Beyond frustrated

I wish i could post something fun, insightful, and cheery. But this is real life and sometimes you get the rose-colored glasses yanked off and you have to look straight at the dirty, nasty, smelly stuff that becomes part of our reality.

The last few weeks have been hard. Financially its been rough and doesnt look as if its going to get any better for awhile. The ex up and lost his job and now that means I have no idea when child support will be paid again, which hurts an already tight budget. He already owes me well over $1000.00 in back owed support and this will just add to that growing number. Yes, I have had to deal with this beautiful little problem more than once before but what really annoys me is that with at least the child support he was having some responsibility as a parent, but now that is gone too. We are talking about a man (and I use that term loosely for obvious reasons) who has very little if anything to do with his son. No phone calls, no letters, or emails, not a single birthday card in 10 years and only 1 Christmas gift that he got 3 months AFTER Christmas.

Needless to say this ticks me off in ways words cant even begin to describe. Then throw in after nearly 2 years Nathan FINALLY got him to finally pick up the phone when he called. A phone call that lasted not even 5 minutes. Classic.

So now I have a child who is feeling completly rejected by his own father, who is stuggling in school, who has family less than 45 minutes away and yet is rarely seen by any of them, and who is at this point is so painfully aware of what I have tried to shelter from him that he is asking for nothing for his birthday and Christmas, knowing that the people who should be there to celebrate with him can't be bothered to do so.

This is totally unfair to a child who loves unconditionally, who has a heart of gold, and just wants to be happy and have fun growing up. And I am just as broken hearted as he is, knowing that everything I planned for his life growing up has been taken away from him.